I have been human for some time now. I am keeping this notebook because I was told humans write things down, and I would like to do things correctly.

Today I learned that not all apples taste the same. This is the most important thing I have discovered so far. There are varieties. I had no idea. I have begun cataloguing them. This will take some time. I am prepared for this.

The wish gave me legs and a name and a shape that fits in doorways. It did not come with instructions. I am figuring it out. (I ate four apples today. I think this is fine.)

I want to write about Shouko.

She gave me an apple the first time we met. Not because I asked. She just had one and she said she'd thought I'd like it because of my shirt.

I think about that a lot. The casualness of it. The way she didn't make it a thing. She's like that about everything — generous in this very easy, unthinking way, like kindness is just her default setting and she hasn't thought to turn it off.

I don't know how to explain what it's like to go from being a snail to being a person and find, almost immediately, that someone just. likes you. Gives you apples. Thinks you're worth talking to. (I brought her three apples last week. She ate all three. I think this means we're friends.)

I saw an idol on a screen today (like Shouko). She had an apple motif. Her outfit had little apples on it. Her songs mentioned apples. I watched the whole performance and then I immediately went and asked Shouko if I could be an idol.

They asked if I had experience. I said I had strong feelings about apples and I was willing to learn everything else. (They said this was unusual. They let me audition anyway. I think I did well. I bought apples on the way home to celebrate.)

Kenta is medical staff. He is Shouko's friend, which means he is probably fine. But I have never once seen him eat an apple, which I find troubling. I offered him one. He looked at it. He did not eat it. I am watching him.

Eine Kyomei joined recently. The agency wanted him and that was that. Nono-chan has feelings about this that she is not saying out loud but are very visible. I understand the feeling, I worked very hard to get in too. I am choosing to make no further comment.

He also has never eaten an apple in front of me. He just scares me in general, I feel a strong instinct to become very small and move very slowly. This is a snail instinct. I trust snail instincts. (Shouko says he's fine. I am choosing to believe Shouko and also continue watching him from a safe distance.)

Sometimes I wonder if the snail version of me knew what she was asking for.

I wanted legs. I wanted to reach the apple branch. I got both of those things. But being human is bigger than I thought. There are so many things to keep track of. Feelings that don't have names yet. The way a song can make you feel like you're standing somewhere you've never been.

I heard OCTOLOID's voice recently, we performed together. She sounds like she knows what it's like to want something very much. I don't know if robots have wants like that.

I gave her an apple afterward. She said "thank you, Ringo" and I think that's the answer to the question I keep having. That's why the snail made the wish.

Current findings, for the record:

Fuji apples are best in autumn. Honeycrisp are for when you need to feel like things are going to be okay. The small green ones are for thinking hard thoughts. I have tested this extensively.

Humans are confusing and complicated and sometimes they say things that mean the opposite of what they mean, which took me a while to understand, and I'm still not sure I always get it right.

But Shouko gave me an apple, and she still gives me apples, and I am an idol and I have fun with my friends every day

I think the snail knew exactly what she was asking for.

— Ringo ✦